Tony Robbins: 3 Simple Tips For Relationships with Men

An intimate relationship usually results from an attraction between a masculine and feminine energy. Today’s post is for those with feminine energy in the relationship, and how to treat their partner with masculine energy.

Men Need to Feel Appreciated

There’s nothing that can make a man feel more proud and empowered than a partner that makes him her hero. He will feel as if he can run through brick walls for her, fight for her and die for her.

Criticism, on the other hand, weakens connection. The man feels weaker, and even if it feels like you are simply “coaching” him, it can distance him and potentially force him to looking for somewhere where he feels more appreciated.

Men Need to Feel Opened Up To

When you’re open, it invites your man to open up too. Often, the only person a man opens up to is his partner, so closing off this line of connection is detrimental to the relationship.

Feminine energy is flowing, intuitive and beautiful for a man to experience and be in the presence of. The radiance of the feminine adds energy, passion and connection to the relationship. Being in your own element is what he loves about you.

Men Don’t Want to Feel Controlled

One of the most difficult, but effective feminine traits is surrender. Men want to take the role of the courageous protector, and don’t like to be told what to do by their partner. Even though they are in a relationship, they want to feel free to pursue their goals and hobbies, and have ownership and control of their own lives. Being controlling is actually counterintuitive and forces your partner away, even though it may be the last thing you want.

Neglecting these actions could eventually lead to the man becoming insecure, less assertive and feeling weak. The loss of masculine energy creates a loss of passion and intimacy – a depolarization that could lead to the end of the relationship.

Click here for Tony Robbins’ tips for relationships with women.

Tony Robbins: 3 Simple Tips For Relationships with Women

An intimate relationship usually results from an attraction between a masculine and feminine energy. Today’s post is for those with masculine energy in the relationship, and how to treat their partner with feminine energy.

A Woman Needs to Feel Seen

Picture the husband stonewalling his wife while he sits on the couch watching sports while she’s trying to communicate something to him. Or a time when she wears something different to impress her partner and he doesn’t notice. Women do not want to feel invisible, especially to their partners.

Be present with your partner and make them feel seen. Look them in the eyes while you are talking to them, and compliment sincerely about their appearance or any positive behavior.

A Woman Needs to Feel Understood

A classic example of men misunderstanding the feminine energy of their partners is during communication of a problem or life situation. Women generally prefer to tune into their feelings, while men favor thinking. So when a women express their problems, they are just looking for someone to empathize with them, and fully understand them. That’s when they can begin to trust their partner, feel more comfortable and share more.

Instead of trying to solve the problem instantly, as most men will automatically do, it’s better to listen actively your partner first to make sure you are on the same page. Usually your female partner will know how to solve the problem deep down, they just want to work it out aloud with someone.

A Woman Needs to Feel Safe

Women have an evolutionary drive to feel safe more than men do. Naturally, they are weaker and more prone to attack, so when a woman feels safe she can then open up and share passion with her lover.

Safety can come in different forms and it’s your job to find out which forms are important to your partner. Physical safety of being there to protect her in potentially dangerous situations, psychological safety of knowing that you will be reliable and adept in decision-making, or possibly even financial safety and knowing that you have the resources to provide for her and any potential children.

If these actions are neglected over a period of time, it’s likely that female with the feminine energy will have to adopt some more masculine traits. If her man isn’t able to make decisions she will have to make them herself. If he isn’t able to listen to her, she may have to close off and try to solve problems by herself. The resulting depolarization is devastating for the relationship – any passion or attraction escapes quickly when the feminine has to take on the masculine role too.

Click here for Tony Robbins’ tips for relationships with men.

Can Pain Be an Effective Call to Action?

If you are trapped in the nightmare you will probably be more strongly motivated to awaken than someone who is just caught in the ups and downs of an ordinary dream.

Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now

The quote above rings true. Why do we will ourselves to wake up during a nightmare, while we remain blissfully ignorant during regular or pleasant dreams?

Tony Robbins describes in his book Awaken the Giant Within the following scenario:

I believe that life is like a river, and that most people jump on the river of life without ever really deciding where they want to end up. So, in a short period of time, they get caught up in the current: current events, current fears, current challenges.

When they come to forks in the river, they don’t consciously decide where they want to go, or which is the right direction for them. They merely ‘go with the flow’. They become a part of the mass of people who are directed by the environment instead of by their own values. As a result, they feel out of control.

They remain in this unconscious state until one day the sound of the raging water awakens them, and they discover that they’re five feet from Niagara Falls in a boat with no oars. At this point, they say, ‘Oh shoot!’. 

Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within

This scenario is similar to the nightmare scenario is that we only really awaken when we realize that catastrophe is looming. We can no longer ignore the pain we are experiencing and are forced into action.

One of the biggest human motivators is the avoidance of pain, even more than pursuing pleasure. It’s been shown in experiments that humans refuse to gamble on a coin toss until the ratio of the reward is twice as much as their initial stake they could lose. This is explained by Daniel Kahneman’s Nobel Prize-winning theory of loss aversion – people hate losing more than they enjoy winning.

So how do we avoid noticing that life is going sour before it’s too late? One way is to increase our reference points in our lives. This is the same as raising our standards, or turning up a metaphorical thermostat. This applies to our finances, health, relationships, and any other area of our life. If we have higher standards, we will feel ‘pain’ even when other people may not, which we can use as motivation to get where we deem is acceptable.

Therefore, pursuing a goal means you must be willing to sacrifice. To get something “better” you will have to give up something – be it energy, time, even sense of current identity. Having a higher level of reference will mean that you have to be ready to meet the challenge of living life at a higher level – taking more responsibility and using up more effort.

Success Leaves Clues, but We Shouldn’t Disregard Luck

A quote popularized by Tony Robbins – “Success leaves clues” – can get us very excited about lofty goals. If we were only to follow the playbook of mega-successful entrepreneurs, sportspeople, politicians and artists, we could (and should) achieve the same results. But what most people are poor at understanding is the role of luck in success.

Daniel Kahneman, the Nobel Prize winner and author of Thinking, Fast and Slow, highlights books like Built to Last by Jim Collins and Jerry I. Porras that describe common characteristics of successful companies that are built for growth and long-lasting success. Kahneman argues that the companies that are chosen for their success are statistical anomalies, rather than the consequence of skill. Many companies run exactly the same way would fail due to the role of luck and chance. Therefore, the conclusions made in these types of books could well be useless.

Although it is difficult to get your head around, Kahneman’s point makes sense. A year after their inception, Google were willing to sell their company for $1m, but the deal didn’t go through because the buyer said the price was too high. There are likely a multitude of other ‘lucky’ events in the company’s history that will have helped Google to get where they are today.

But just because a lot of success is down to luck, doesn’t mean that we should no longer try. The real question is: How can we put ourselves in more positions to get lucky? We are much more likely to get signed by a professional football club if we play in front of scouts and spectators than if we played in our back-garden where nobody saw us.