Do Children Stop Playing or Carry on When Someone Gets Hurt?

According to Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, girls are much more likely than boys to stop their games if someone becomes upset or hurt. In boys’ games, the upset boy is expected to move out of the way so the game can continue.

This shows that there is a disparity in the way that boys and girls respond emotionally, even at a young age. Girls are more occupied with minimizing hostility and maximizing co-operation, while boys are more focused on competition, independence and toughness.

I can testify to the boys’ side of this phenomenon: When I split my chin open playing football in school, the game continued on and I resumed once I had gotten successfully patched up by the school nurse. While skateboarding there have been times where people have hurt themselves – if they haven’t moved out of the way they are gently asked to. Obviously there have been times where the injury has been serious enough to stop the game too.

Goleman explains that differences between genders like these can lead to a deficiency in how men and women communicate with each other in intimate relationships. By increasing our emotional intelligence, we can more often become conscious of how the other is feeling, and communicate better.

Want to know more about the five domains of emotional intelligence? Click here.

Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules For Life Rule 11: Don’t Bother Children When They Are Skateboarding

As someone that grew up skateboarding, I know exactly what it felt like when my friends and I were interrupted while skateboarding. “Can’t you go somewhere else? Where do you live? Why aren’t you wearing a helmet?” The interrogation begins. No we can’t go somewhere else, the tarmac is smoothest here. We live just down the road. And no I don’t have a helmet. Even if I did have a helmet I wouldn’t wear one. Helmets are for vert skaters, not street skaters. Skateboarders that wear helmets always seem to be the ones that were driven to the skate park by their mother as they watched like hawks in case they fell.

Of course it was dangerous. Danger was the point. We wanted to triumph over danger. Each summer’s day we would traipse across our local town in search of higher things to jump off, and bigger stairs to try to jump down. We would conquer four-stairs and immediately search for a set of five. Those who overcame the fear of the five-stair would be eyeing up a six. We weren’t just blindly pursuing fear, we were pursuing competence. Fear was just a hurdle that we had to jump through to get to the other side.

Human beings are hard-wired for a level of risk. That’s why we seek out adrenaline, whether it be drag racing, bungee jumping or eating a packet of Doritos Roulette. Without risk, life is dull. We get careless. Inevitably, when something dangerous, unexpected and full of opportunity rears its head, we fail. When we take risk, we feel alive. Adrenaline pumps around our bloodstream, and our hearts beat that little bit faster. We’re living on the edge.

This chapter of Peterson’s book is one of my favorite to read. It goes on to outline some interesting differences between genders, and puts forward some fascinating topics to ponder over. I highly recommend it.

From a personal perspective, the biggest takeaway from this chapter is that there is a lack of competent, tough, strong men in the world today. More now than ever we see men shirking responsibility, and not taking the righteous (albeit more difficult) path. Men in today’s society are masters of expedience. We take the easy route almost every time. As a result we are seeing women who are searching for competent men to contend and grapple with, someone that will challenge them intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. But it’s a struggle, because these types of men – intelligent, confident, mature – are simply not as common among us anymore.

“And if you think tough men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of.”

Jordan Peterson

So how does this relate to skateboarding? Let children build up the toughness and competence they need to be independent, as heartbreaking as it is for a mother to eventually see her child leave in the quest for lush new pastures.

Don’t bother children when they are skateboarding.